Fourteen days ago, the house filled up… Years ago, when I first worked from home, I was the only one there, other than the dog. The dog was excellent company, sleeping through everything but the arrival of the mailman. With the house to myself, I could leave the room doors open with no thoughts of what noise or people might interrupt me. A year later, my husband joined me. And now there were two… but two adults and we were capable, at least most of the time, of negotiating boundaries and sharing needs. We had ample time to prepare ourselves psychologically, and to prepare our unique work spaces.
Fast forward to 14 days ago (not that I am counting, but I absolutely am)… Like many of you, with almost no warning, I am now sharing my home with my husband, my dog and my 2 kids. My kids are teenagers, which means that I am less likely to be interrupted on a call than a parent of young children. However, I am very likely to be distracted by their needs – food, discussion of life and fears about the future, and even specific questions around schoolwork.
Here are some things that I am doing to help me navigate these times. These things leave me less frustrated and hopefully kinder and more productive. This list is a little different than some other fantastic recommendations out there (and I’ll list links to some of those for you at the end). While I agree with recommendations like dedicated workplaces, I have found that I lost mine to homeschooling even though I had protected my spaces quite diligently before last week. We are all navigating a new reality around here – and our house isn’t quite big enough for us to escape each other entirely. We can hear each other, and we trade spaces as we move through the day. We’re quite determined to get through this with some level of grace and compassion (even the teens, although they would quite certainly not term it that way).
On to the practices, linked in large part to my teaching and coaching in the fields of sustainable high performance and resilience:
1. I am really, really becoming aware of my emotions and underlying assumptions when dealing with clients (could be translated to colleagues – depending on your reality). I have needed to buckle down on this one. When I don’t get an answer by email quickly enough, I am not being ignored. When I feel that I don’t understand the status of a project, I am not necessarily out of the loop. When I cannot reach a team member, they are not off doing laundry (as one of my execs used to think). If I start feeling out of touch, I text or pick up the phone – not to accuse, but to check in. These are tough times. Let’s make sure everyone is ok… and then continue on with the work. I promise the check-in doesn’t have to take much time. It does often lead people to feel better able to face their day (if you don’t believe me, try it!)
2. Time alone… somehow, somewhere. We are still allowed to go for walks – safely distant from others. I find these walks provide both time alone and time to remind myself that others still exist IRL (in real life). The time alone helps me to recognize that there is still a world out there beyond “social distancing”, helps me sort through my thoughts, and helps me recharge.
3. Conversely, if you are now finding yourself alone ALL the time, find ways to connect. I know it’s not the same, but just seeing someone’s face online has helped me when I’ve felt isolated. Hearing someone’s voice is also more connecting than just emailing or texting. I’ve made an effort, where possible, to either pick up the phone or hop on a video call… even though I typically would happily just stick with words on devices. And just looking out my window and seeing someone walk by has reminded me that the rest of humanity actually does still exist.
4. Gratitude – if ever there was a time that I have needed to remind myself of all the things that are going well in my life, it is now. I know I am not alone in having work I was looking forward to delivering not currently being needed. I am not alone in facing a financial situation that is different from the one I was in just 12 days ago. I know I am not the only one who is tucked into the house with more people than usual. I also know that I am lucky to be healthy, especially now. I am grateful that the main thing required of me right now is staying home and not putting myself or others in danger. I am grateful it is spring here and the days are getting longer. I am being very disciplined in my daily practice of writing down what I am grateful for… and it’s helping. I’m actually thinking of doubling down and making this a morning AND evening practice, just to remind myself of the good in life, in my work, in my clients, in my family.
5. I am reminding myself endlessly of the need to practice compassion. It’s a practice to me because I am not in the least great at it … yet. I might be better at it by the end of this time of physical distancing. I will, after all, be getting lots of opportunity to practice. These times are unprecedented. NO matter how hard we work at it, all of us will face fears and uncertainties.. not once but daily. This means that my intention is to soften my approach (but not my boundaries or necessarily my expectations).
These are not normal times, and recognizing this helps me to remember that I am learning to navigate a new reality every day. It also helps me to remember that every single other person out there, including bosses and colleagues and clients, is in the same boat. The usual ways I had of working from home don’t all work right now, and that’s ok. We’ll find new ways… and in the meantime I’ll rely on practices that have served me before. It won’t be a perfect situation, but I’m determined to make the best of it.
One last note – my sidekick Bear is a pro at all these practices and models them for me every day
Some resources you might find helpful
https://www.pcmag.com/news/get-organized-20-tips-for-working-from-home
I woke up at 5am this morning, my heart racing, thoughts spinning… I knew that I was unlikely to go back to sleep, so I decided to follow the practices that help me feel grounded and calmer.
I decided to meditate, telling myself that even if it didn’t make me feel better, I would at least feel that I had ‘done something’. (note: it did actually make me feel better).
I got up, and followed the practices that I have slowly been integrating into my life, practices rooted in evidence that build my resilience. Better practice what I preach, I thought.
I am choosing my focus with more intention than ever before. I admit that I got sucked into the news media, and COvid19 case-number-following over the past week. We agonized over whether or not to cancel a family trip (and family reunion) in Europe. We did cancel. Now there is really not much to decide on… at least on the surface. Work isn’t requiring anything immediate from me with speeches and workshops cancelled or on hold. We are staying home. We have food.
And yet… choosing my focus with intention is harder than expected. I am limiting my exposure to media and social media because it doesn’t do much other than make me anxious. I still check occasionally but I am keeping myself from constantly refreshing my feed.
I am continuing my gratitude work – writing down 5 things I am grateful happened in the last 24 hours.
I am reaching out to friends and neighbours. I am focused on community. Where can I help?
I am committed to learn. I am reading and preparing for the time when work does pick up again – at which point I will be glad I did this ‘quiet’ work now.
This is a time I am choosing to use to strengthen my practices: my meditation practice, my exercise and movement practices, my community practices, my healthy eating practices.
Not only does this move me forward when I could easily sit on the couch … it makes me feel better.
I keep hearing stories of how Shakespeare wrote King Lear while in quarantine and how Newton invented calculus while in quarantine. No risk of that happening here, nor do I want the pressure of having to make something monumental like that happen. At the same time, these stories do remind me that my world does not have to stall while I do what I can to flatten the COVID19 curve. And so I will do what I can do… with compassion and patience not only for others but for myself.
What about you? What will you choose to do during this trying time?